When it’s easiest to turn up an eyebrow and throw a quick “bless your heart” at a mom who is overwhelmed by her kids, try something else. Remember the trenches. You were there once. You had a rough day with the kids before, as well. I know it’s easy to block out how hard things were and elevate your kids to angel-status. But your kids were never perfect and neither were you. That Mama needs less eyebrow raises and more compassion.
A friend of mine recently flew to her family member’s birthday in another state, and she took her two youngest kids on the flight. The flight on the way there was great. However, the flight on the way back was one for the record books. The kind of record books you want to stomp on or burn. The minute she got her newborn asleep & started to eat some food with her toddler, her toddler randomly threw up. She scrambled to find paper towels, grabbed some extra clothes, & managed to change him. However, throughout the entire flight, he continued to throw up every few minutes. So much so that she was running out of bags & paper towels. When she thought the flight was almost over, the plane ended up circling around in the sky to wait on other planes, which added more time to the already stressful & lengthy flight. One of those incredulous and intense situations where you might as well laugh so you don’t cry.
My eyes were wide as she later recounted her stressful experience to me. But then she said something that made me so sad. She told me that almost no one around her had compassion. The flight attendants seemed put-out and were unhelpful, and besides the lady in front of her who tried to ask for more bags, no one around her offered any other assistance during the long flight. I get it. No one likes throw up when dealing with their own kids, let alone others’ kids. Maybe others assumed her kid had been sick for days and yet she still chose to bring him on the flight. Maybe Covid has made us all germaphobes to a fault.
Who knows? I’m sure people felt a myriad of things. But out of all there was to think about, where were the thoughts of empathy & compassion? Where were the offers of kindness & help? Where were the people who remembered the trenches that they had lived in themselves as parents of young kids?
It reminded me so much of life with 5 kids ages 5 and under. Some scoffed at how many kids God gave us. Some turned up their noses & gave us that “don’t you even know how that happens?” look of pity and despair.
But others? Others saw how God had blessed us, yet how in a moment here or there we could use some compassion. Our kids were and are not perfect. And neither are we. There were times my kids struggled. And there were times I lost my patience. Life was blessed but difficult.
Now that I’m somewhat on the other side of those crazy times, I remind myself that if Jesus was “touched with the feeling of our infirmities”, what excuse could we have to not feel the same way for others?
May I never forget the toy cars thrown in the toilet, the baby powder explosion that covered every surface in the boys’ room, or the permanent marker all over my son’s face as I nursed his brother. May I never forget the emotional toll it took on me to care for 3 toddlers while nursing twins and trying to be a present youth pastor’s wife, the sleepless nights that left me in a constant zombie-state, or the tears I cried in frustration as life was just really hard sometimes and all I could focus on was survival.
I look back and think of mostly the amazingly GOOD times – the countless blessed moments and memories. And I want to focus on that primarily. But may I never forget the hard times so much that I lose that empathy that so many lack. May I be the one to look for others in the trenches & offer them a helpful hand, a compassionate look, an encouraging word, and the love of Jesus.
We’ve all been in the trenches – whether due to parenting, ministry, finances, loss, or whatever the challenge. May we use our experiences to truly show the compassion and love of Jesus to those still in them.
“For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities…” – Hebrews 4:15a
“Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;” – Colossians 3:12
Just a Mom’s View 